Working Depression, Please Fire Me

My daddy died today. Well, actually he died June 4th, 2008, but each day is the same for me. Now I lay me down to sleep doesn’t work. When I close my eyes I see my daddy lying in his coffin. I know he is not going to get up, so the vision never changes. My mornings are identical; I wake up tired and want to stay in the bed until. If I didn’t have to “live” I wouldn’t. Routine – open my eyes and listen to my mind complain, get Dasia ready, take her to school, and go to work and “function.” Thank God for Dasia. Monday through Friday I remain under my sheets until I’m late enough for work - not enough for my boss to complain, but enough for me to fuss as to why I continue to fall into the late schedule. People lose their jobs everyday, but my working depression won’t fire me.

I’ll settle for a layoff if it’s long term and the position won’t call me back. I can’t shake this. One minute anger is my best friend, the next hate, and I try to reason with it all. Tolerating things that I paid no attention to previously burns holes into my soul. My mouth, oh, the words that can come from my mouth. My dreams tremble me. One night I had one about a basement full of rats. The setting was on a street that my family resided on when I was a child, but in a neighbor’s apartment. The rats crawled into the cement wall, the wall closed and all their tales fell off. The next one I can remember contained dogs, spit, singing and skin. Working depression, please fire me.

I don’t write anymore. I figured getting this out might help. Lying on a couch talking about my feelings would be a waste of time and money. I’d make myself late or not show up. The someone that I need to talk to is dead. The woman that raised my father said it would get better; she died less a month after my daddy did. What am I looking forward to?

Patience is invisible in my world, although I’m not as mean as I was a few months ago. That’s my opinion. I still like to blast certain people who say dumb things with no meaning. You can’t have an opinion about someone else’s opinion, but I don’t care. I’m talking shut them down and get out my face blast. Rude for Miss WandaLuv, but effective.

See, I had this multimillion-dollar empire planned for my family. The dream that my daddy chased all his life ran to me. Miss Luv’s Books was formed, NYC was the place where my astronomical comedy career would blossom - my father would lavish in it. He pushed me, he told me that I was still young and it took work. My daddy told me to keep at it. “Babygirl people work their whole lives to make it; you got plenty of time.” I wish I had enough time for him.

My prior life of hustling for it is somewhere. I don’t make any effort to develop the uniqueness that is I. In all honesty – I’m all fucked up. Just tired, angry and aggravated. Am I going to commit suicide? Hell naw, fool! My daddy would kill me! This is my attempt at getting back to the swing of things. Misery could care less about who it chooses for company.

On March 2nd I’ll be forty-three. Before June 4th I loved my birthday. I’d buy myself a present, go out or celebrate with friends. When I turned thirty I threw my own birthday party. What a vain heffa I was. This year I will think about how my daddy felt the day that I was born. He had something that was for him and still is his. I’ll get it together one day.

When will these weird dreams stop? Why do I wake up tired when I don’t dream? Why do I keep seeing him lying in that coffin? By the way, he was laid out in a gold-ish tan colored suit that matched the coffin. He was always a suit wearing well-dressed man. My father’s love of clothes, his laugh that I can still hear, and his voice. These are some of the things that I never want to forget. Do you forget?

I want to sell books and perform on stage. Book clubs need me to make their meetings exciting. Comedy shows need a little luv. My Blog Talk Radio Show – Wanda’s Way - was HOT. Wait for Love: A Black Girl’s Story, LuvMe, the book and the fragrance, and A Sheltered Life need me to make it. I need a stimulus plan custom designed for me.

How do you live with depression? It’s easy. Take a shower, go to work, go back home, take a shit, and go to bed. Plenty of us do it everyday. Many of us have been doing it for years. When distress happens in your life most of us call our mother. My mother doesn’t care to talk about my daddy. They were divorced after twenty-seven years of marriage. They both remarried, but she still brings up things that happened in 1970. The husband-wife relationship is totally different than the father-daughter one. The first person I called when I found about my daddy was her. She told me to be strong. She didn’t realize that she was talking to a baby and babies aren’t supposed to be strong. I don’t give a damn about her past and I guess she doesn’t care about my present. All fucked up.

A good job is challenging to find and to quit a job is idiotic, but one day I have to resign from this one. No unemployment for quitters, which would mean no Cheetos for Dasia…back to my first request. Working Depression, Please Fire Me.

I love you, Daddy.

Wanda D. Hudson
http://www.wandadhudson.com

A Procession of One

The word bitch should be used solely in conjunction with the word grief. I promise you, if I ever hear another man call a woman a bitch, I don't care who he is, I'm going to hurt him. If I ever hear another woman call a man a bitch, I'll release a few choice words that will touch her core, but she'll be able to continue. Neither a man nor a woman can make you feel as sickening as grief can. I don't care what they do to you - cheat, lie, steal or slam you to the ground and run. Grief is the only bitch I know.

Grief intruded into my life June 4th 2008 at 4:20pm. That's when I received a call from my father's wife informing me that my daddy, Bobby James Hudson, was gone. She said it as calmly as she could. "Niecy, we lost Bobby today." That's when my procession of one began.

I proceeded to cry. I proceeded to yield to the shit feeling that was ravaging my body, because I couldn't fight back. I proceeded to collapse and let myself be gutted by grief. Grief cuts your insides and churns them at the same time, runs them over, burns them, and leaves them there expecting you to function as if oh well should be the next words you say.

The first steps of my procession were to see my daddy lying in his coffin. Simply visiting my daddy became viewing his body. I was at a wake that would never allow for sleep. This wake wanted tears and I obliged...boy did I oblige.

My procession kept going strong with then next day being more forceful than the first. The funeral told me to say goodbye. I only did so after God told me to hold onto His hand. He said that I will see my daddy later.

Next, the cemetery. Grief began to slither around my throat. It's hold grew tighter and tighter but I still saw the coffin which held my daddy - even with my shades on and my eyes closed.

I know we all go through this but it doesn't diminish the fact that my daddy broke my heart. I know he didn't mean to. I know he loved his babygirl. When I was younger my father told me that he wouldn't always be here. His words - "Babygirl, ya daddy ain't always gone be here." My words - "Well, where are you going to be?" Together we'd laugh. Lawd, I miss my daddy.

A father's love for his daughter is priceless. Fellas, you all can step up your game and you still won't measure up. My daddy made me feel SO special. His encouraging words to keep on babygirl, stick with it, success doesn't come overnight. Man, this hurts.

I wanted my father to see me make it. To him, I already did. He saw something different in me. He saw that I stepped out on faith and did what my passion told me to. I know that he was proud of me.

Bobby James Hudson was the first black man to work in an office position at the TAM Plant in Niagara Falls NY. 1968 didn't have a civil rights march for him - he was just being a provider for his family. Tuskegee Institute taught my daddy a few things. He took that knowledge and eventually opened his own store, Hudson Tile and Carpet in Ocala Florida. But that was after he showed others how it should be done at the Color Tile store in Niagara Falls NY.

My daddy and his ideas! I smile just thinking about them. Shaklee, Amway, Omaha Steaks and BARD (Bobby, Alice, Ronny, Denise) Security. His favorite food - fried chicken. Once my daddy told me that he could eat fried chicken every day! Why? "'Cause I was raised on it babygirl." Oh... I miss my daddy.

He taught my brother to keep a handkerchief in his pocket. My brother now has taught that to his sons. Something so simple. but something to be proud of still. He taught me to be me, and ain't nuthin' wrong with that :-)

Golf, golf, golf. Why did I say that golf was a dumb game...that all you do is walk around hitting a ball. Lawd, did I get a LECTURE on golf! I was a teenager. I'm 42 now and I have NEVER said a bad word about the game of golf since!

I'll hurt, I'll cry and still talk too much about my daddy. My procession will continue with me working it out and being the woman that Bobby James Hudson knew I could be.

I love you daddy.








Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe
http://www.wandadhudson.com

Wanda's Way + Cafe Press = SEXY!

Please visit http://www.cafepress.com/wandasway to get your Wanda's Way merchandise!

Tee shirts, mugs, calendars and stuff for your dog!

Show your support! http://www.cafepress.com/wandasway

Wanda's Way airs every Sunday at 12 NOON EST!

646-716-7710

Book Review - A Taste of Java - L.J. Wilson

A Taste of Java

L.J. Wilson

Gifted Pen Publishing

February 2008

ISBN - 978-1-60585-063-4

www.ljwilsonauthor.com



A Taste That Requires An Entire Purchase!


First time novel DIVA L.J. Wilson introduces us to Inga Tyler in A Taste of Java. Inga is a successful single woman who desires love, and believes she has found it with her best friend, Nathaniel Gates. True love can't be stopped...well that would depend on who you'd ask. Nathaniel's fiance Rochelle, or Charles Smith-McAlister - the man who Inga can't seem to get out of her mind, even when she is with Nathaniel.



Inga's friend Mona offers sound advice, but as with all friendships, the advice is never taken. When Mona finds love with Dwight, will Inga get IT, or continue to pursue a man who has never stopped loving another, or has he?



Whew is what I said a few times while reading A Taste of Java. There were pages that I wanted to slap Inga, and chapters that I wanted Rochelle to handle her.The fact that Ms. Wilson was able to evoke that type of emotion from me made A Taste of Java a good read. I was able to read and understand why the characters behaved and made the decisions that they did. The story flowed very well and left no loose ends for me.



A Taste of Java is filled with thought provoking conversations that will definitely make you think about your life and what you would do if faced with certain situations. A book that entertains, makes you think, and pray that it has a happy ending is a winner for me!



In all honesty, there was one thing that I didn't like about the book. When I reached the end, I felt that there should have been a gift certificate for a return visit!



Well done, L.J. Wilson, well done.







Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
http://www.wandasway.blogspot.com

What Shade Are Your Purple Panties?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I'm So VAIN...LOL!

Wanda's Way Wants YOU!

http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway

Wanda's Way is looking for participants for the following shows!

Sunday, May 25th, 12 NOON EST - Ebook? Ewww...

Sunday, June 8th, 12 NOON EST - Self-Publishing Perils!

Sunday, June 15th 12 NOON EST - Run for Cover!

Sunday, July 13th 12 NOON EST - Anthology Attitude

Sunday, July 27th 12 NOON EST - Marketing Madness

Sunday, August 24th 12 NOON EST - Erotic Escapades!

Sunday, September 7th 12 NOON EST - Black Bookstore Blues

Sunday, September 28th 12 NOON EST - Literary Letdown

Sunday, October 26th 12 NOON EST - Mysterious Methods

Sunday, November 2nd 12 NOON EST - Book Club Blowout

Sunday, November 23rd 12 NOON ET - Comedy Calvacade!

Book your spot with The SEXY One!

wanda_d_hudson@ yahoo.com

Keep it SEXY



Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!

Don't forget to add Wanda's Way as a favorite Blog Talk Radio Show!

Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe
Give Your Book An Extra - have it Critiqued With Luv!
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway
http://www.myspace. com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Succulent - Chocolate Flava ll
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Wanda's Way - Everybody Needs A Little Luv! Sunday December 16th, 12 NOON EST!

Please click on to Wanda's Way Sunday, December 16th at 12 NOON EST!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway

This is the show that you all have been waiting for - its the -

Everybody Needs A Little Luv Show!

Are you lonely this holiday? Broke? Tired? Hungry?

Don't worry, WandaLuv has got YOU!

Listen in and hear some of your favorite luv songs that bring back SEXY memories!

Why did he leave you? Why did she cheat? Who cares!

WandaLuv has got YOU!

Call in and tell me all about it

646-716-7710!

Don't forget to add Wanda's Way as a favorite Blog Talk Radio Show!

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!




Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv - January 2008
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.wandasway.blogspot.com
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Chocolate Flava 2 - February 2008
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Wanda's Way - Sunday December 9th 12 NOON EST! JJ Michael - What's Your Number?

Please click on to Wanda's Way Sunday, December 9th at 12 NOON EST!

http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway

My super sexy fabulous guest will be JJ Michael!
www.jjmichael. org
www.pathtotruth. com

After numerous appearances on 98.7 KISS FM, JJ has decided to do it Wanda's Way!

JJ Michael is the author of Path To Truth, It's Not Over Yet, and Life is Never as it Seems.
Metaphysics, numerology.. .ooh, this is a show that you don't want to miss!

To get in on the action please call - 646-716-7710!

Don't forget to add Wanda's Way as a favorite Blog Talk Radio Show!

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv - January 2008
http://www.wandadhu dson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway
http://www.wandaswa y.blogspot. com
http://www.myspace. com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Chocolate Flava 2 - February 2008
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Wanda's Way - Poetry Pro's - Sunday, December 2nd, 12 NOON EST!

Hello all you fabulous, spoken word artists! Next week on Wanda's Way is your day! Sunday, December 2nd at 12 NOON EST show the world how you flow!

Poetry Pro's is the title and I would love to have you call in and promote yourself!



646-716-7710



http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway



Sunday, December 2nd at 12 NOON EST



Recite a few verses, shout out your website! Tell us why your passion for words makes us weak!



Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!



Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv - January 2008
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway
http://www.wandasway.blogspot.com
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Chocolate Flava 2 - February 2008
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Wanda's Way - Editing Etiquette - Sunday, November 25th 12 NOON EST!

Sunday, November 25th at 12 NOON EST click on to Wanda's Way!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ wandasway

The discussion will be Editing Etiquette! My special guest panelists will be:

Carla Dean of U Can Mark My Word - http://www.ucanmarkmyword.com

Author/Editor DL Sparks - All That Glitters - http://www.dlsparks.com

Oh Lawd...who dat be and why come dey here? Listen in, call in, and ask why editors do what they do!

646-716-7710

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv - January 2008
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway
http://www.wandasway.blogspot.com
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Chocolate Flava 2 - February 2008
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Sunday, November 18th at 12 NOON EST click on to Wanda's Way!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway

My special guest will be Claudia Brown-Mosley. Listen in as the author of I Can Have My Cake and Eat It To gives us a slice of her life!

646-716-7710

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv - January 2008
http://www.wandadhu dson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.blogtalk radio.com/ wandasway
http://www.wandaswa y.blogspot. com
http://www.myspace. com/wandaluv
Contributing Author -
Chocolate Flava 2 - February 2008
Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 - November 2008

Wanda's Way - Sunday November 11th 12 NOON EST!

Please click on to Wanda's Way this Sunday, November 11th at 12 NOON EST!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway

My special guest will be Quashon Davis! Mr. Davis is the author of Masquerade. Listen in on his tale of two in love with one. Sounds like a maze that has no end!

646-716-7710

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of your's Wanda's Way!

Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com

Looking 4 Luv?

Well, you can find it by visiting my website to order your copy of LuvMe! LuvMe is a collection of romantic erotic shorts all written by the SEXY ONE - ME!

http://www.wandadhudson.com


LuvMe - Because Everybody Needs A Little Luv


I know you can't get enough of ME, so in 2008 purchase a copy of Chocolate Flava 2! Yes, the SEXY one, ME, will have a story called Beauty included among the pages!

I will also have a story titled, The Finest Man, in Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2, which will be available November 2008!

Both of these are Zane anthologies so get ready for sumthin...


Can you smell Hot Chocolate?



Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ wandasway
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.wandasway.blogspot.com
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
Give your book an extra kiss - have it Critiqued With Luv

The SEXY One Is Coming on Strong!

Can YOU handle it?



Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY...
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv

Hey All You Sexy Poets,

Sunday, December 2nd is your day on Wanda's Way!

Poetry Pro's is the topic and I want you to tell us how your words flow so elegantly, so sweet, so tortured, so unique! Hey does that rhyme?

Does it have to rhyme, what is your rhythm?

Come'on - share your secrets! Please email me at wanda_d_hudson@yahoo.com with the title Poetry Pro's and I'll sign you up!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway

646-716-7710

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ wandasway
Uhm, Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY
http://www.wandasway.blogspot. com
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv
Give your book an extra kiss - have it Critiqued With Luv

Sunday - 12 NOON EST - Wanda's Way!

Join me every Sunday at 12 NOON EST on Blog Talk Radio!

Wanda's Way has the best interviews, life talk, and STUFF!




646-716-7710


Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!

Uhm...Blog Talk Radio has never been so SEXY :-)


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv

Snoop Rules and Regulations - Do They Even Exist?

1. Are there any rules to going thru someone's personal belongings?

2. If you do this without the owner's knowledge, do you have a right to question what you saw?

3. If you find activity which is current, is it okay to snoop?

4. If the information you find is 5+ years old, is it any of your business? Or does it even matter how old the goods are, is it any of your business?

Snoop Rules and Regulations - Do They Even Exist?


Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
http://www.wandadhudson.com
Everybody Needs A Little Luv - Get Some Of Yours Wanda's Way!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv

Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story Reader Review!

This is what another author said yesterday about Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story. Reading this made me pick my book up and hug her!

Have YOU gotten your copy yet?

***********************************
Dorothy Goins wrote:

Wanda. You have written such a witty and wise book that kept me turning the pages with laughter, anger and oftentimes pity for the main character who I most times wanted to slap some sense into. I have a couple of pages left and that just shows how much I want to savour the reading because I don't want the story to end. I have to admit in the beginning I was having a hard time accepting the main character speaking to me "the dear reader" but after staying with the story and (I analyze a book) going with the flow, it so worked for me. Lynnde became a part of my living room, my bedroom and anywhere I sat to absorb the story. Great Job! Wanda.

Lynnde is a exemplary character that depicts all the mistakes numerous women make when selling themselves short for the sake of what they call love. Isn't it sad that love was there in front of Lynnde all the time. She missed "the most important lesson of all" which was learning to love herself. So her lessons had to be repeated several times. When you love yourself, you open the door for others to enter in and love you with the portions of love you are so worthy of. I'll be back shortly with my overall review of the book and I will also post it to AMAZON. Keep writing.

*********************************

Now, I know YOU want a copy after reading that!

http://www.wandadhudson.com

Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
Available Now - LuvMe - The Fragrance
Coming Soon - LuvMe - The Book
Everybody Needs A Little Luv...get some of yours Wanda's Way!
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway
http://www.myspace.com/wandaluv

Calling All Independant Film Producers!

Sunday, September 23rd, at 12 NOON EST is your day on Wanda's Way! My listeners and I would like to hear how you do what you do! What drives you to put IT on film? What is a no - what is a go - what is a HAIL NAW!

What color goes with green? Money green that is! We want to know about the process of going from your mind, to paper, to film. Is it a 3 step process or a long ladder with a few broken rungs?

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway - 646-716-7710

Please email me at wanda_d_hudson@yahoo.com with the title, Doin' It The Indie Way, and I'll sign you up!

Everybody Needs A Little Luv - get some of yours Wanda's Way!

Wanda D. Hudson
Wait for Love: A Black Girl's Story
Available Now - LuvMe - The Fragrance
Coming Soon - LuvMe - The Book
Everybody Needs A Little Luv...get some of yours Wanda's Way!
http://www.wandadhudson.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wandasway