Saturday, August 12, 2006


A confidant, friend, lover. These words describe a person who you can disclose your innermost thoughts to. A vent buddy. Question. If your innermost thoughts become public, who does the blame lie with? You, for telling your business - I mean, if it were truly private, you would have kept your mouth closed. Is it your CONFIDANT'S fault? Exactly what is a confidant if they tell everything you say, word for word? What good is having a voice box if you cannot utilize it for your own personal needs?

I was betrayed. Or maybe not. I vented, and then my confidant vented. The only problem was her vent was identical to mine. My human diary didn't wait twent-four hours before she told all that people didn't know a thing about, but needed to know. When my talk circled back to me, I was upset. I had revealed things of a personal nature, things that went on between the male in my life and me. See, we had an argument. A NASTY argument. I had never told any of our private business before. This time, I was MAD. Not doing things out of anger is the only route to go.

After a few days of he said-she said-they said-dayum I'm tired of talking about this-conversation, I told my once confidant, that it wasn't her fault. I said that I never should have put my personal business out. Besides, me and my significant other had discussed the issue, and decided that we both had a hand in our lifes being blown out of porportion.

That event made me think. Is it right to write a tell-all book? If you had a private life with someone, shouldn't it remain private? I'm not a fan of tell-all books. I don't care if my name is changed in the pages or not. What one or two or how many are involved do together is their business...but I guess some writers can't make it in this businesss without a bit of dirt in their pages about someone. No one likes to be talked about, but boy do we love to listen.

Just imagine if I had told more than one person. It's not like I'm a celebrity (I'm just sexy and special) but if my business went around my little world as fast as it did, and had many people in a tizzy...whew, I can only imagine how it feels to be included in the Enquirer.

Underneath all of my emotions is a tiny scar. Yes, I forgave my confidant, and decided to never tell her a thing again. I also learned that no matter what level of success you are on, there will ALWAYS be someone who thinks you don't deserve to have what you receive, even after you worked to get it. I don't know if the word betrayed exists in my case. I think what happened to me is classified as a BitchTrail. If you are trusted with someone's private thoughts, and you let them roll from your mouth like a toilet overflowing that's a bitch. When the confusion is cleaned up and the only trail leads back to you...

From now on if I have to truly vent, I'm going to write it down in my private diary. I never want to travel a BitchTrail again.