Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Thank You!

Thank you to everyone that came out and supported my first comedy show, Luv's Laughing Ladies! I told yah'll a whole lotta people need a little luv! Now ya butt cheeks are all tight 'cause you missed the first show aren't they? Shame! Keep up with me and stay in the know about all things Miss Luv! Awwwwww, baby!


Who's that laaaaaaadyyyyy...who's that lady, SEXY laaaaaaadyyyy...^_~

I luv you

Monday, April 15, 2013

Lunch Bag Letdown

Moat parents want whats best for their children. That usually includes wanting them to have better than we did. Food, clothing, opportunities and so much more fall under this category. I never had diamonds or pearls, but the one thing I never lacked growing up was food. Snack food to be exact. No wonder I'm a fatass, but I digress. I don't remember ever being hungry at home or at school. We always had a cake that my mother baked, homemade cookies or something from the grocery store. My parents made sure I had various snack food at home to feast on and in school.  My lunches were either the free school lunch or whatever goodies I packed into a brown paper bag that day. Even the free school lunch had cookies that could be added to it for a small fee. $0.05 for a peanut butter cookie? Ahhhhh, the memories

I remember buying every snack food that wasn't around when I was growing up for my oldest daughter, Diana. That's what my parents did for me. I didn't bother to ask if she liked it, either. It didn't exist when I was a child, it looked good, so she was getting it regardless. I'm still mad about the time she finally told me that she didn't like Glazed Honey Buns and had been throwing them in the garbage. An individually wrapped Honey Bun and you don't like it? In the 1970's  Honey Buns were a treat that could only be obtained when visiting a bakery and you have one just for you and don't like it? Rise up if you're a single mama and wanted to slap your child for wasting food! That's money! It's hard out here for a pimp on the really real real real! Anyway, I found out what she liked and stopped buying food so she could simply have it. Making sure your child isn't hungry throughout the day is a 40 hour workweek task within itself. After all, no one wants to be hungry at school and have to sit and think about the good snacks that await you at home. Torture, I tell ya - pure torture!

I'm on my 2nd go around now with my daughter, Dasia. I've learned not to buy snacks because I want her to have it, but foods that she enjoys. If I'm buying it for her, its for her. I don't eat her school snacks nor do I expect any of her classmates to touch them.  Sure kids swap treats but to TAKE a treat and not have a goodie to give in return is grounds for getting your ass beat rawhide style. Every once in a while I'll ask Dasia did she eat her lunch and what did she have. Gotta make sure my baby ain't starving. Well,  beast mode  consumed me when I heard her response.

"No, I didn't eat that."
"'Cause Jamir took it."
"What? What do you mean he TOOK it? TOOK it when?"
"When were in lunch he took it."
"Does his mother pack him a lunch or does he eat the school lunch."
"He eats the school lunch."
"Tomorrow you tell him that your mother said he can't have your lunch. Tell him to ask his mother to send a snack for his his lunch."

Dasia nodded and went back to being a 9 year old. She was probably upset that Jamir TOOK her Rice Krispy Treat, but not to the point to tell on him. Well I was upset. You don't TAKE anything that doesn't belong to you. You ask and if you're told no shut yo' ass all the way up. Dasia doesn't have a bust yo' ass mouth like her mama, so I know he TOOK it. Various thoughts ran through my mind. Should I call the teacher and tell her to corral Jamir...should I wait for him after school and give him the "I'mma git dat ass glare...should I do a lunchroom drive by and let him know I know what he needs to know and he should know not to TAKE things again? Once I calmed down I thought maybe Jamir's family were trying to get by like most of us are. Maybe they didn't put emphasis on making sure their child had a treat for lunch, but that he simply had lunch. Maybe they're doing to best they can and a Rice Krispy Treat wasn't in the budget. By the way a box of 12 were buy one get one free. I love a sale. I want to kick his ass for TAKING her snack. I don't want to be in jail and my claim to fame is whopping a 9 year old boys ass. There is nothing correct about that.

When I say its hard out here for a pimp that includes single mothers, fathers, families - the world. Trying to keep clothes on a growing child, food, daily supplies - life is a challenging joy. I've come to far to complain. I'm gonna Tweet Michelle Obama and tell her to hurry up with the school lunch program.  When a lunch snack becomes the equivalent of a Benz to a Yugo something is definitely wrong. Taking my baby's treat...

We want our children to do what they're supposed to do - not what hunger forces them to do. I don't know if he TOOK (I'm still a little tight about it but I'll get over it) it out of hunger, or if he thought it was better than what he had. It's sad that a child should suffer through lunch bag letdown and take food regardless of the reason. Minimum wage can't afford minimum food - we gotta do better.

Monday, April 08, 2013

A Letter to My Ex Lover

Dear Fatass,

I know your hungry and shit, but I can't continue to feed you. I simply cannot afford you financially or physically anymore. You eat to damn much! Just greedy for no reason! Really, Fatass, why do you think you have to eat everything in sight? Ridiculous...

Every time I turn around you're plotting and planning about what food to shove into my mouth. So what something is buy one get one free? Do I really have to eat it? And there is no way in hell that I'll ever starve to death. Do you think people believe you when you say that? Oh, and before you continue with the thought of starting a petition because the see thru thong bikni doesn't come in your size - you don't even like looking at your ass naked. Why pass on the pain? Fighting for Civil Rights...you have the right to keep dat ass covered.

Why do you keep hanging around anyway? Yeah, I like Pound Cake...oh yes I love Milky Way bars...uh-huh I can get it in with ribs, too, but see, there you go. Messin' with my mind. Your problem isn't even about eating healthy; its about eating in moderation. Not a fatass' moderation, either.

You ask why I'm angry with you? I can't believe you asked me that! Aight...going into McDonald's and stating that you want one of everything on the menu...ordering ice cream, licking it as soon as you get it and complaining that they gave you to much...eating the fry off the counter that fell from the tray and saying, "I paid for it", while looking around with a stank attitude is too much. Telling people you feel bloated and then getting an attitude when people give you the Lying Fatass Look. The times you make me eat right before I go to bed so I won't get hungry in my sleep - straight fatass with no chaser.

Listen, I'm not trying to come across angry at you at all. I mean, you've been my constant friend throughout it all. I'm sure you'll try hard to be my main squeeze once again but I gotta move on. I'm to young and pretty to be a fat polly wog. Sexy Chubby, Sexy Slob, Sexy Chunky...uhm, naw...can't do it. If you see me walking down the street...a cupcake crosses my eye...makes me wanna speak.. walk on byyyyyyy...just walk on byyyyyyyyy....

And the journey continues^_~