Saturday, August 12, 2006

BitchTrail

A confidant, friend, lover. These words describe a person who you can disclose your innermost thoughts to. A vent buddy. Question. If your innermost thoughts become public, who does the blame lie with? You, for telling your business - I mean, if it were truly private, you would have kept your mouth closed. Is it your CONFIDANT'S fault? Exactly what is a confidant if they tell everything you say, word for word? What good is having a voice box if you cannot utilize it for your own personal needs?

I was betrayed. Or maybe not. I vented, and then my confidant vented. The only problem was her vent was identical to mine. My human diary didn't wait twent-four hours before she told all that people didn't know a thing about, but needed to know. When my talk circled back to me, I was upset. I had revealed things of a personal nature, things that went on between the male in my life and me. See, we had an argument. A NASTY argument. I had never told any of our private business before. This time, I was MAD. Not doing things out of anger is the only route to go.

After a few days of he said-she said-they said-dayum I'm tired of talking about this-conversation, I told my once confidant, that it wasn't her fault. I said that I never should have put my personal business out. Besides, me and my significant other had discussed the issue, and decided that we both had a hand in our lifes being blown out of porportion.

That event made me think. Is it right to write a tell-all book? If you had a private life with someone, shouldn't it remain private? I'm not a fan of tell-all books. I don't care if my name is changed in the pages or not. What one or two or how many are involved do together is their business...but I guess some writers can't make it in this businesss without a bit of dirt in their pages about someone. No one likes to be talked about, but boy do we love to listen.

Just imagine if I had told more than one person. It's not like I'm a celebrity (I'm just sexy and special) but if my business went around my little world as fast as it did, and had many people in a tizzy...whew, I can only imagine how it feels to be included in the Enquirer.

Underneath all of my emotions is a tiny scar. Yes, I forgave my confidant, and decided to never tell her a thing again. I also learned that no matter what level of success you are on, there will ALWAYS be someone who thinks you don't deserve to have what you receive, even after you worked to get it. I don't know if the word betrayed exists in my case. I think what happened to me is classified as a BitchTrail. If you are trusted with someone's private thoughts, and you let them roll from your mouth like a toilet overflowing that's a bitch. When the confusion is cleaned up and the only trail leads back to you...

From now on if I have to truly vent, I'm going to write it down in my private diary. I never want to travel a BitchTrail again.

4 comments:

Vanessa A. Johnson said...

Boy, do I feel you on this rant. And you know it's sad when there isn't one person you can trust on this level. That's why I NEVER reveal to anyone what goes on with my and my husband. But at the same time, when I'm angry with my spouse, I have no one to confide in and it's at those times that I feel so alone. I mean, don't I deserve to have someone to rant to?

I have a few friends who confide in me and I'm able to keep their secrets. What is wrong that I can't get that same level of trust? I'm like you, what goes on in a relationship should stay in a relationship, and not in a tell-all-for-the-world-to-see book. I would only trust this confidant so far ever again, too.

Love & Peace,
VeeJay

edance said...

My personal motto is "tell only your teeth, if you have no teeth tell you gums"!!!! Tell alls benefit absolutely no one, it is serves as brain fiber only, a filler if you will. When the "giiiiiiiirllll you won't believe this" is served to the dinner crowd is is cooked to please the palate of the gossipers, the haters and those whose ears wait for negative waves to filter in. Again tell it to the teeth or gums. If you really have to vent on a personal issue, become an anonymous blogger and send it out there!!

Swaggie Coleman said...

Amen! I am enjoying visiting your webpage this morning. I am sorry I did not do this earlier and I cannot wait to purchase your work. This especially reminds me of when I was a teenager and I was just running my mouth about a dear friend and unbeknownst to me, she was standing there listening. I was telling all her family secrets. When I realized she was standing there, I shrunk more than I could. It was embarassing and shameful, but she never said a word. Her eyes said it all and my sunken heart heard what her eyes had to say. It was life altering for me to take that lesson into adulthood. It was difficult and awkward working through that incident with my dear friend, but those eyes are still burned in my mind and while I am not perfect, I do not make that distrustful act anymore as much as I can humanly stop myself.

I catch myself, or should I say, those eyes in my mind stop me. Yes, I was on the other side of the fence, too. That is how the circle of life works, what goes around, comes around so there were some petty tough life lessons that I learned as an adult when people revealed some of what I shared with them, but MOST of what they added or made up about what I said.

I remember the day I visited my daughter who is a young adult and her girlfriend was there after a situation with her boyfriend, etc., etc., and she remarked that she was glad my daughter was her friend because she could tell her anything and everything and not have to worry about hearing it back. She said my daughter was her bestest friend and confidant.

I felt proud because that is how I raised my daughter--using my experience to drill into her head. The saddest thing about a confidant spilling your business to the masses, is that people will judge you and you wonder--just how many more people did she tell that I don't even know about.

My bestest friend lives in another state and I share everything with her when I need to and I hate her in the most loving way because rarely will she comment and I will keep asking, "are you listening?" and she will always answer, "I'm listening."

With growth I learned from her that when people need to share--just listen. They will work it out most times without yeast being added and spread around which makes the situation magnified because folks keep wagging their tongues. Sometimes we hear ourselves talking and can figure our way through a situation--so allow somebody that same opportunity by just listening.

Now that I am grown up spiritually (still growing, that is), I know that the quickest way to confide and get sound advice and resolution is to tell Jesus. Can anybody honestly ever say that when they told Jesus, the situation got worse because He ran His mouth. Besides, Jesus is gonna tell God -- you can't top that!

So--I just wanted to share that and within my close circle of girlfriends, I know at age 42 to just listen and my friends know that Swaggie ain't running her mouth.

I do want to make one quick coment about tell-all books, because we are human, there is no way to tell our stories without involving the experiences of other people as they affected our lives. Positive and negative. I believe the best way to do that is to change names, etc. However, when you are a celebrity, that becomes difficult because you especially don't want your image tarnished. I respect that, but how can ordinary people learn and grow without knowing things about life. I won't read or purchase the Enquirer, etc. because people are profiting from hurting others in a negative way. If a tell-all book aspires to tell how an individual faced with extraordinary adversities became succesful, it is worth at least reading because we learn from each other. I'm not interested in how many celebrities the video vixen slept with before she threw in the towel because too many people stand to be hurt and stupid is sometimes just stupid.
Swaggie

Swaggie Coleman said...

Amen! I am enjoying visiting your webpage this morning. I am sorry I did not do this earlier and I cannot wait to purchase your work. This especially reminds me of when I was a teenager and I was just running my mouth about a dear friend and unbeknownst to me, she was standing there listening. I was telling all her family secrets. When I realized she was standing there, I shrunk more than I could. It was embarassing and shameful, but she never said a word. Her eyes said it all and my sunken heart heard what her eyes had to say. It was life altering for me to take that lesson into adulthood. It was difficult and awkward working through that incident with my dear friend, but those eyes are still burned in my mind and while I am not perfect, I do not make that distrustful act anymore as much as I can humanly stop myself.

I catch myself, or should I say, those eyes in my mind stop me. Yes, I was on the other side of the fence, too. That is how the circle of life works, what goes around, comes around so there were some petty tough life lessons that I learned as an adult when people revealed some of what I shared with them, but MOST of what they added or made up about what I said.

I remember the day I visited my daughter who is a young adult and her girlfriend was there after a situation with her boyfriend, etc., etc., and she remarked that she was glad my daughter was her friend because she could tell her anything and everything and not have to worry about hearing it back. She said my daughter was her bestest friend and confidant.

I felt proud because that is how I raised my daughter--using my experience to drill into her head. The saddest thing about a confidant spilling your business to the masses, is that people will judge you and you wonder--just how many more people did she tell that I don't even know about.

My bestest friend lives in another state and I share everything with her when I need to and I hate her in the most loving way because rarely will she comment and I will keep asking, "are you listening?" and she will always answer, "I'm listening."

With growth I learned from her that when people need to share--just listen. They will work it out most times without yeast being added and spread around which makes the situation magnified because folks keep wagging their tongues. Sometimes we hear ourselves talking and can figure our way through a situation--so allow somebody that same opportunity by just listening.

Now that I am grown up spiritually (still growing, that is), I know that the quickest way to confide and get sound advice and resolution is to tell Jesus. Can anybody honestly ever say that when they told Jesus, the situation got worse because He ran His mouth. Besides, Jesus is gonna tell God -- you can't top that!

So--I just wanted to share that and within my close circle of girlfriends, I know at age 42 to just listen and my friends know that Swaggie ain't running her mouth.

I do want to make one quick coment about tell-all books, because we are human, there is no way to tell our stories without involving the experiences of other people as they affected our lives. Positive and negative. I believe the best way to do that is to change names, etc. However, when you are a celebrity, that becomes difficult because you especially don't want your image tarnished. I respect that, but how can ordinary people learn and grow without knowing things about life. I won't read or purchase the Enquirer, etc. because people are profiting from hurting others in a negative way. If a tell-all book aspires to tell how an individual faced with extraordinary adversities became succesful, it is worth at least reading because we learn from each other. I'm not interested in how many celebrities the video vixen slept with before she threw in the towel because too many people stand to be hurt and stupid is sometimes just stupid.
Swaggie
http://swaggiecoleman.blogspot.com