Holiday Party Advice!

1. If you’re the office single sexy woman don’t bother going to the party. You’ll start out being the single man’s ho and by the end of the night they’ll have a price tag on you.
2. If you’re the office bow wow Betty go! You might get a pity dance.
3. If your spouse/partner is a recovering alcoholic go alone.  Free liquor equals relapse.
4. If you never speak to a certain person you work with don’t start at the party. Tis ain’t the season for an awkward friendship.
5. Do not stand over the food table and eat. Make a plate and go sit down – don’t look like a pig at a trough.
6. If an email invite or flyers were given out about the party and you didn't get one…don’t ask. There is always one person who isn't liked in the office – welcome to your life.
7. If you don’t drink don’t try anything just because it’s the party. Ho…Ho…Ho…
8. Don’t ask your boss for a raise during the festivities. Happy New Year ain’t so happy with a pink slip…
9. Stay in your role. If you’re the mail clerk or the receptionist don’t try to get in with the higher ups. You are equal to no one.
10. If you can’t dance don’t. You’ll still be a fool the next day.
11. If you've been losing weight to wear a special outfit don’t wear it. They’ll smile in your face and call you a fatass doink behind your back.
12. If you say, "I love you, man!" Go home! You’re drunk and you will NEVER redeem yourself.
13. Don't take alot of food home. Being labeled The Office Greedy Bastard isn't good for a promotion.
14. Don't suggest games to play or Karaoke. No points for being the office kiss ass will be awarded.
15. If someone starts choking don't try to save them. Call 911 immediately! If they die it's your fault - if they live, they'll get tired of thanking you throughout the year and will find a way to get yo ass fired.