Everybody Needs A Little Luv Comedy Contest! Oooooweeeeee^_~

The Intended Fool

I intended to go into a bank and rob it. Starting out with the wrong intentions will lead you to  a disaster that you're responsible for. Every aspect of that disaster belongs to you. What freed me is the fact that I said I felt threatened when the guard approached me. Of course I have no business going into a bank to rob it, but when you put shit in motion a whole lotta shit happens that you have to deal with. Now what if I did something to the security guard? How would I defend my self against that? I didn't intend for it to happen, but he had no business  doing his job and protecting the bank.

Its like going over to someone to whoop their ass and they beat you instead. You call the police and they get arrested. Your bad intentions to' someone else up. Po' you wit'cha dumbass. Someone looks suspicious because they have red hair so you step to them with your "intentions" to do right. Another ass beating for you yet they get arrested. Yo' ass ain't nothing but trouble. Maybe you should mind your business and let the professionals handle it. Its to late for  that now, though. See, you have rights. You have the right to protect yourself even though your intentions were wrong from the start. WOW...only in America. For real...ONLY in America.


Back in the day black men wore dress shoes and suits topped off with a brim. They were harassed because someone didn't approve of the way they looked. Whether dressed up or not black just doesn't look good to some people. Well only if its swinging from a tree. Intentions can be real messed up sometime.

This post gave me a HARD time. I started writing it 2 weeks ago and couldn't get my words or feelings to coincide. I still can't get them together. Gotta keep on pushin' and praying for things to change that you kinda know never will. So why keep on? Life is good, even with bad intentions. People will always lie, cheat, steal, deny and kill. Change may never change. Still I must say that we have to take responsibility for our actions...our intentions. The intended fool should never win.

PhotoShake Overload!

Yoooooo, PhotoShake will make anybody think they're a photographer! Who needs the paparazzi - I'll take pics my dayum self! Owwwwwwww^_~

Da FLY Hunny!

Eye candy for my men folks...hehehehehehe

Who's that laaaaaaaady....^_~

Somebody's Child

Regardless of what side you take in the George Zimmerman trial a child is dead. Good child or bad child I don't know. I do know that somebody's child is dead. We're all somebody's child. What would somebody's child have to do to you to make you kill them? Look at you "funny"? Have on clothes that you don't deem appropriate? Run the wrong race in the right neighborhood? An Asian man jogging in the Puerto Rican section of town is grounds to kill him right? Well, why was he running? Did he just rob someone? That kind don't belong here. 2013 where you at? No, really, where are you?

We all need to think a few times before passing judgement. Gabrielle Douglas' hair in the Olympics. Rachel Jeantel on the stand. We're the first ones to tune in and watch The Real Housewives of _____, Love & Hip Hop, Maury Whose Dat Baby's Daddy? Line by line critiques of award shows - do you see what she has on? You ugly, you stupid...bitch please. Get Paula Deen! Yeah, uh, how many people were killed in Chicago in one weekend? Every stray bullet has a name. We just don't know it until it hits someone. We shall overcome my ass.

Attacking somebody's child because they don't look normal. What is normal? 2 men? 2 women? Black and white? Missionary? Threesome?  Normal doesn't even know what normal looks like. Everyone is fighting for their American Dream. No immigrants, no women, whites only and oh no you didn't just say the N-Word? But you said it? But I can because...

There is always something wrong with your reason for what you think is right. Different opinions make sure of that. You better understand that if someone dies as a result of your reason you're going to have to answer to a whole lot of somebodies. I haven't followed the trial; media in the courtroom is ridiculous. No one is all right or all wrong, but if you have to defend yourself for your right maybe it was just a little wrong. Maybe something about your right should be changed. Look in the mirror and judge somebody's child. Do you like it? No? Well get used to it. I guarantee you somebody's child is judging you.

Everybody Needs A Little Luv Comedy Contest

Capital Region Comedians Get Ready!

The Everybody Needs A Little Luv Comedy Contest is looking for YOU!

$2 Entry Fee + 6 Comedians + 15 Minutes = $300 Bones! 

And consolation prizes! YAY! Well, not really, but it sure sounds good! If you're interested please post a link to where I can see you do ya thang in the comments!

Yeah...everybody needs a little luv^_~

So, Uh, Yea...I'm Not Going To Boston, BUT...

I sure look cute trying to get there! My bid to win the Boston Comedy Festival started and ended last night; waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....Hey, what ain't for you ain't for you. I did get a great idea from it, though! I'm on my way, baby! DING ^_~

I luv ya

When Life Leaves You

When I saw this picture my stomach began to churn. Why does a father's face have to look like this? The word that shouldn't be in the sentence is have. This didn't have to happen. Actions...decisions...reactions...pain. Nothing that will happen in the coming days will be for the good. Each family involved will lose. Life as they knew it is gone. Life is about change, but when it leaves us its about adjusting to a new normal. Normal isn't supposed to be new. Its supposed to be normal.

Pick sides, point the finger and cast the blame. Through it all this family has to keep on living. How do you keep on living when life leaves you?

I luv you

Boston Comedy Festival Here I Come!

Well, I have to make a stop first...come see me Thursday, June 27 at 6:30PM at The Comedy Works! 500 Northern Blvd, Albany NY 12204! Tickets are $5! Click the link and come get a little luv ^_~

$5 Bones Right Here

Miss WandaLuv's YouTube Channel!

Click the link and get a little luv! Yeah...one day I'll have my own show - Everybody Needs A Little Luv ^_~

Miss WandaLuv's YouTube Channel

I'm Still His Baby Girl

With Father's Day approaching I've been thinking alot about my father. When he died in 2008 a few things that I was afraid of  happening were that I'd forget the way his voice sounded, and that I'd never be anyone's baby girl. Well, wallah! God is good, life is grand (yeah, even with all the extra shit) and I'm aight! Not only do I remember and hear my father's voice loud and clear, I'm still his baby girl! I feel so much love from my daddy and it's a blessing!

Memories are a great thing to have. They may not all be good, but they make you realize that life is definitely for the living and there is a lesson in there somewhere. One lesson that's a funny memory now - it was NOT funny when it happened, was about men. This guy wanted to date me and my father said he had to ask his permission first. I was so excited that my father was going to let me have a boyfriend! Hail naw...I mean HAIL to the mo'fo-in' naw! The boy came to my house and Bobby James cussed him out Harlem Nights style! He then turned to me and said, "And don't bring no more sorry ass, insert racial epithet here, to my house!" The lesson that I just recently learned - Baby girl you can't pick no man. Why do you always pick the sorry ones? What is wrong with you? Sorry, Fred.

Once my father asked me if I could braid. I said yes and them proceeded to knot his hair up. My mother stayed up half the night fixing his fro. Lesson? Don't lie. Other folks always suffer from your lies.

Every time we went grocery shopping I wanted to push the cart. I always followed behind my father too close and hit his heels. He never yelled at me but gave me the "look" instead. Lesson? Slow yo' ass down! People get to' up when you're in a hurry to go no where. I think that's why I'm such a good driver (^_^)

I have so many memories. Shultz, Seymore and Fritz. My father made sure his baby girl had a dog. Music, chicken and my momma's nasty molasses cookies. Plaid pants, white shoes and cussin'. All of it was topped of with nothing but love.  I still love him, I still miss him and I'm still his baby girl! Wow...Happy Father's Day, Dads - somebody loves you!

I luv you

Baby Fat Q&A

Q - What is baby fat?
A- My scientific conclusion is a baby is simply a scrunched up adult, so what we call baby fat is just skin that hasn't had a chance to attach itself to a bone yet.
YR - You, know what, Wanda, that makes so much sense!

Q - How long can you have baby fat?
A - Well, I think since we never stop growing you can have baby fat your entire life. The fat hasn't latched on to a home yet and it just hangs around...and around...and around. So stop saying you have weight issues - it's baby fat! My kangaroo pouch that can't carry anything but extra weight - I love you!
YR - You, know what, Wanda, that makes so much sense!

Q - What about the fat that hangs from my arms? I can't get it toned or tightened up at all!
A - Have you ever saw a baby do push ups or lift weights? Some things aren't realistic. You have to train baby fat in its infancy to do what you want it to do. Now who in their right mind is going to make a little baby exercise?
YR - You, know what, Wanda, that makes so much sense!

Q - So what you're saying is this isn't fat, its baby fat?
A - YES! Your fatass isn't a fatass - its a baby fatass! Embrace it and love it! The next time my doctor says I need to lose weight I'm gonna slap him! Fool, this is baby fat! Get the &^%*)(($##@@ outta here with that!
YR - Wow...I'm gonna do that too! That makes so much sense!

Go forth and conquer wit'cha fat...oh, baby fatass'! Tight clothes, loose cleavage and buffets betta watch out! Oooooooooooowwww ^_~

And for the record baby fat is a beautiful thang!

Me and my girls, Dasia on the left and Diana on the right

Q - Question
A - Answer
YR - You're Right

A Sheltered Life

I was working on a book called, A Sheltered Life. It was so depressing that I put it on hold and began writing a comedy called, Dating Wanda. Why this particular piece came to mind I don't know, but I want to share it with you. It may have come to mind because a shift if going on in my life - a good shift, and I need to let some things and my anger towards some people go.

                                                        

My birth into this life was distressed.  I fell from the sky naked and smacked the pavement like a raw wet bird. My body was broken, damaged and beyond repair. No one in the smoking traffic stopped to come to my rescue. I felt as if I had to run through the world this way in order to survive. No one gave me a second look or a first for that matter. Trying to figure things out when you don’t know where to begin or end is haunting. You keep thinking your soul will take its last breath and save you, but it doesn’t. Being forced to live is dreadful. I want to pull my life’s cord and relieve me of my misery, but there is no cord, nor is there a map. There are no rules for me to follow. Asking myself what to do and how to do it is fruitless. Dead vines that intertwine and weave into a mound of choking fibers surround me. These fibers tighten, yet never do the deed.

“Adalee Johnson!”

The harsh voice startled me. I remembered where I was although I never forgot.  Invisible mystification.  It was spinning like an odium filled inferno.  Hot bewilderment that could smother me.

When I began to sweat I realized that I had given my soul to the devil. He burned me to a crisp and left my body emitting smoking rank embers for all to see and become repulsed by the smell. I turned to face him as I stood to ask why he had chosen me. Of course no creature was there. The devil doesn’t show himself as a horned red being. He comes to you in the form of your greed. It is when you desire something so much, or you think you do, without any regard to the consequences, is when he shows up.  Realizing that you have made a mistake only comes after you have suffered a little more than enough.

I wanted more money and more family. The family I had wasn’t good enough for me. Ray didn’t produce. I cursed Teddy before he was born and tried to destroy him as a baby. Favoritism consumed me when it came to Ray Jr. I thought Mama was a childcare provider for me, more so than a grandmother to my children. Greed for my selfish needs was my devil. I continually beckoned for him and he came. He came with a vengeance. The heat he peeled my skin with showed me.

Window three was a dingy piece of plastic that I could barely see through. A round sweaty woman who took short breaths and smacked and cracked gum looked up to look down again.

“You Adalee Johnson?”

“Yes.”

“Sign here. You can get on bus number four and it will take you to a motel a few blocks from here. Next!”

“Miss, wait.” I had questions. Please let her have my answers. “Where can I get something to eat? I need a change of clothing and supplies to wash with. I, I…I don’t have anything.”

“None of yah’ll that come here do. There are clothes and toiletries at the motel. The bus don’t leave til six, and dinner is served at four. Next!”

“But what do I do in the morning? I don’t have anywhere to go.”

Clearly aggravated the woman sighed. She looked at me and saw a walking lint ball that she couldn’t remove from her garment.  “The bus will bring you back here. You can get breakfast and then you wait to be interviewed. Next!”

The information she gave would have to suffice.  I believed if I asked her any more questions she’d have me arrested for caring about myself. It would seem that any kind of compassion for your own sake wasn’t allowed here.

I walked to the rear of the building to claim a seat in a room filled with people like me. If they thought I was someone who deserved their attention they were wrong. There were crying children, hungry babies, and faces that looked hollow. We loitered around and looked. There were men, women, and children – people standing, sitting and just looking.  Faces were sunken in from defeat. So many stories to be told to no one who cared to listen.  

Congratulations Mrs. Jill Davis!

My girlfriend Jill got married on Saturday May 25th. I didn't attend her wedding, but when I saw her picture I felt like I was there. My breath caught in my throat, my mouth hung open and tears fell. Look at her - beautiful! What is she thinking? My eyes well up and my heart fills with joy for her when I look at her picture.

I have so many thoughts about this picture. They pop up in my mind so fast and swirl like a beautiful rainbow that's attached to a energized pinwheel. I just can't get them out. I guess I'll keep them to myself and  let you entertain your own wonderful thoughts. Jill has shown me that love is a beautiful thang; that you cultivate it through all things, and keep on until...

I love you, Jill! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(^_^)

Crayola Crayons Anyone?

My middle name is Denise so my family calls me Niecy and my brother's name is Ronald.

Being the youngest I naturally fell victim to my brother's dumb ass plans. No matter what he said, I did. I felt I had to be loyal to him, seeing he had more experience on this earth with my parents than I had. Trusting that he'd never steer me wrong kept my young ears alert to whatever he told me to do.

My loyalties to him changed after the Crayola Crayon incident. We were playing in our room when he came up with the stupid idea that should I stick crayons up my nose. "Wow, that sounds like fun, Ronny," were my innocent childlike words in return. I began with longer crayons, sticking one up each nostril, and graduated down to shorter crayons, laughing and hopping around the room the entire time. In the middle of my jumping around like an idiotic kaleidoscope my mother called for us to come down for dinner," 

My brother ran out of the room. He left me without  bothering to see the end of my show. Food is definitely the way to a man's heart and it begins with childhood. I couldn't move until I took the crayons out of my nose. Although I thought idiotic kaleidoscope was worthy of an opening night on Broadway, somehow I also thought my mother wouldn't be as amused. I hurriedly pushed my six year old fingers up my nostrils to retrieve the short crayons, one came out with ease but the other one wanted an encore. I frantically grasped and instead of pulling it out, I pushed it farther up. It was a  wrap for my six year old composure then. Terror screams filled our house as I blared my young lungs to their full capacity.

"Niecy! What the hell is wrong with you? Get your ass down here now!" 

The form I chose to panic in pissed my father off, and with the way he gave butt whoopin's, there was no way I was moving. I hopped around with bulging eyes trying to get the crayon out of my nose, but my efforts were to no avail. Hearing my father summon me again made my brother come back into the room, grab my hand, and drag me down the stairs kicking and screaming all the way.

"Alice! Get the tweezers! The chile done stuck crayons up her nose!" were the next words that came from my father as he flipped me over his lap while trying to contain my flailing body.

"Hold still dammit! Hold still!"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

I'm lucky he didn't decide to shake them loose instead. My mother held my forehead and arms while my father used the technique of a brain surgeon. My nose is wide, but damn, it's that wide? It can hold a crayon, tweezers and snot?  We all were in a panic, but my father removed the crayons and finished with the one statement that hurt my heart. 

"Throw all of them gotdamn crayons out! I don't ever want to see another crayon in this house!" 

A child without crayons? How can that be? No crayons? Tragic! I sobbed in silence as I watched my mother throw my entire collection of broken and tattered crayons away. My father meant what he said, too. He NEVER bought me a box of crayons again. In school I went hard with the crayons, knowing that I wouldn't get to smell or feel them for at least 24 hours. The weekends were brutal. Drawing stick people in pencil is torture I tell ya! Pure torture!

When I was thirteen I sat at the table and did a homework project using colored pencils. My father approached with irritated wonderment and asked the one question I wished I could give him a positive answer to.

"Them ain't no crayons are they?"
"No, Daddy. These are colored pencils."

My father was serious about the no crayon declaration. He squeezed my shoulder, smiled and walked away. I guess he thought if I was still sticking crayons up my nose at thirteen it would only be a matter of time before I tried the hard stuff. Erasers and rubber cement would surely clog my big ass nostrils.

To this very day I have an undying love for a new box of Crayola Crayons. I love the colors, the smell, and can't wait until I can fill up a coloring book. Purple, blue and red...ahhhh, I luv ya crayon! Dasia has 3 boxes that she hasn't touched yet. I hope I'm not a crayon junkie. Crayola Crayons anyone?

I luv you

Random Luv

1. So what Ambercrombie and Fitch does not make clothes for your fatass.  Everythang ain't for everybody.

2. Exactly what does heavily pregnant mean? One day or 9 months fat does not make a difference - yo' ass is gonna have a baby.

3. Dennis Rodman.

4. Folks talking about stuff you don't want to hear nor care about. Nobody asked  - shut up.

5. Why did my cousin Erica bite me on the cheek when I was one? She was supposed to hug me - not bite me. I'm still mad about that.

6. Aretha Franklin's titties. You betta think...think...think about what you're tryin' to do to me.

7. When will the sequel to Forrest Gump be made? I have to find out if Forrest knew Bill Clinton did not have sex with that woman.

8. Dr. Drew should star in a reality show called Child Support Rehab. On second thought, maybe not.

9. Halitosis, chapped lips and trying to pick up women do not go hand in hand.

10. The Billboard Music Awards should always have Tracy Morgan as the host.

11. Bristol Palin should play Jodi Arias in a Lifetime Movie.

12.Going to jail and finding God after you've received a life sentence is a good thing.

13. Celebrities who cry when they get eliminated from reality show competitions are stupid. You really aren't that special after all.

14. Narcissistic people need Jesus.

15. Slim fat, medium fat and fat fat = fat girl in remission.

16. I can't believe that I had sex with you and said I liked it.

17. Number 16 made me throw up.

18. Pinterest is Pin the Tail on the Donkey for adults.

19. Kanye and Kim will get married, have 3 more children and live happily ever after.

20. OJ Simpson does the most with the least and we let him.

21. I love Flip Flops

Maddycakes Muse

22.No one is that busy. I mean, really, you're that busy?

23. Can you start over with a clean slate?

24. Your style never goes out of style.

25.Telling someone to fuck off instantly lowers your blood pressure.

26. To be continued...

Thank You!

Thank you to everyone that came out and supported my first comedy show, Luv's Laughing Ladies! I told yah'll a whole lotta people need a little luv! Now ya butt cheeks are all tight 'cause you missed the first show aren't they? Shame! Keep up with me and stay in the know about all things Miss Luv! Awwwwww, baby!

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Who's that laaaaaaadyyyyy...who's that lady, SEXY laaaaaaadyyyy...^_~

I luv you

Lunch Bag Letdown

Moat parents want whats best for their children. That usually includes wanting them to have better than we did. Food, clothing, opportunities and so much more fall under this category. I never had diamonds or pearls, but the one thing I never lacked growing up was food. Snack food to be exact. No wonder I'm a fatass, but I digress. I don't remember ever being hungry at home or at school. We always had a cake that my mother baked, homemade cookies or something from the grocery store. My parents made sure I had various snack food at home to feast on and in school.  My lunches were either the free school lunch or whatever goodies I packed into a brown paper bag that day. Even the free school lunch had cookies that could be added to it for a small fee. $0.05 for a peanut butter cookie? Ahhhhh, the memories

I remember buying every snack food that wasn't around when I was growing up for my oldest daughter, Diana. That's what my parents did for me. I didn't bother to ask if she liked it, either. It didn't exist when I was a child, it looked good, so she was getting it regardless. I'm still mad about the time she finally told me that she didn't like Glazed Honey Buns and had been throwing them in the garbage. An individually wrapped Honey Bun and you don't like it? In the 1970's  Honey Buns were a treat that could only be obtained when visiting a bakery and you have one just for you and don't like it? Rise up if you're a single mama and wanted to slap your child for wasting food! That's money! It's hard out here for a pimp on the really real real real! Anyway, I found out what she liked and stopped buying food so she could simply have it. Making sure your child isn't hungry throughout the day is a 40 hour workweek task within itself. After all, no one wants to be hungry at school and have to sit and think about the good snacks that await you at home. Torture, I tell ya - pure torture!

I'm on my 2nd go around now with my daughter, Dasia. I've learned not to buy snacks because I want her to have it, but foods that she enjoys. If I'm buying it for her, its for her. I don't eat her school snacks nor do I expect any of her classmates to touch them.  Sure kids swap treats but to TAKE a treat and not have a goodie to give in return is grounds for getting your ass beat rawhide style. Every once in a while I'll ask Dasia did she eat her lunch and what did she have. Gotta make sure my baby ain't starving. Well,  beast mode  consumed me when I heard her response.

"No, I didn't eat that."
"Why?"
"'Cause Jamir took it."
"What? What do you mean he TOOK it? TOOK it when?"
"When were in lunch he took it."
"Does his mother pack him a lunch or does he eat the school lunch."
"He eats the school lunch."
"Tomorrow you tell him that your mother said he can't have your lunch. Tell him to ask his mother to send a snack for his his lunch."

Dasia nodded and went back to being a 9 year old. She was probably upset that Jamir TOOK her Rice Krispy Treat, but not to the point to tell on him. Well I was upset. You don't TAKE anything that doesn't belong to you. You ask and if you're told no shut yo' ass all the way up. Dasia doesn't have a bust yo' ass mouth like her mama, so I know he TOOK it. Various thoughts ran through my mind. Should I call the teacher and tell her to corral Jamir...should I wait for him after school and give him the "I'mma git dat ass glare...should I do a lunchroom drive by and let him know I know what he needs to know and he should know not to TAKE things again? Once I calmed down I thought maybe Jamir's family were trying to get by like most of us are. Maybe they didn't put emphasis on making sure their child had a treat for lunch, but that he simply had lunch. Maybe they're doing to best they can and a Rice Krispy Treat wasn't in the budget. By the way a box of 12 were buy one get one free. I love a sale. I want to kick his ass for TAKING her snack. I don't want to be in jail and my claim to fame is whopping a 9 year old boys ass. There is nothing correct about that.

When I say its hard out here for a pimp that includes single mothers, fathers, families - the world. Trying to keep clothes on a growing child, food, daily supplies - life is a challenging joy. I've come to far to complain. I'm gonna Tweet Michelle Obama and tell her to hurry up with the school lunch program.  When a lunch snack becomes the equivalent of a Benz to a Yugo something is definitely wrong. Taking my baby's treat...

We want our children to do what they're supposed to do - not what hunger forces them to do. I don't know if he TOOK (I'm still a little tight about it but I'll get over it) it out of hunger, or if he thought it was better than what he had. It's sad that a child should suffer through lunch bag letdown and take food regardless of the reason. Minimum wage can't afford minimum food - we gotta do better.

A Letter to My Ex Lover

Dear Fatass,

I know your hungry and shit, but I can't continue to feed you. I simply cannot afford you financially or physically anymore. You eat to damn much! Just greedy for no reason! Really, Fatass, why do you think you have to eat everything in sight? Ridiculous...

Every time I turn around you're plotting and planning about what food to shove into my mouth. So what something is buy one get one free? Do I really have to eat it? And there is no way in hell that I'll ever starve to death. Do you think people believe you when you say that? Oh, and before you continue with the thought of starting a petition because the see thru thong bikni doesn't come in your size - you don't even like looking at your ass naked. Why pass on the pain? Fighting for Civil Rights...you have the right to keep dat ass covered.

Why do you keep hanging around anyway? Yeah, I like Pound Cake...oh yes I love Milky Way bars...uh-huh I can get it in with ribs, too, but see, there you go. Messin' with my mind. Your problem isn't even about eating healthy; its about eating in moderation. Not a fatass' moderation, either.

You ask why I'm angry with you? I can't believe you asked me that! Aight...going into McDonald's and stating that you want one of everything on the menu...ordering ice cream, licking it as soon as you get it and complaining that they gave you to much...eating the fry off the counter that fell from the tray and saying, "I paid for it", while looking around with a stank attitude is too much. Telling people you feel bloated and then getting an attitude when people give you the Lying Fatass Look. The times you make me eat right before I go to bed so I won't get hungry in my sleep - straight fatass with no chaser.

Listen, I'm not trying to come across angry at you at all. I mean, you've been my constant friend throughout it all. I'm sure you'll try hard to be my main squeeze once again but I gotta move on. I'm to young and pretty to be a fat polly wog. Sexy Chubby, Sexy Slob, Sexy Chunky...uhm, naw...can't do it. If you see me walking down the street...a cupcake crosses my eye...makes me wanna speak.. walk on byyyyyyy...just walk on byyyyyyyyy....

And the journey continues^_~

Weight Loss Tips for Ya Fatass...

If you're trying to lose weight and do any of the ten things listed below, you are a true fatass. Cutting out all listed behavior will reduce your waistline and plump up your wallet a bit. And if you got hungry looking at the pictures...fatass.

10. If you dream about food and start choking in your sleep.


9. If your meals are planned out for the year with snacks included...fatass.

8. When crumbs fall in your mustache or beard - women included, you save them for later.

7.Instead of washing food stains out of your clothes you lick them clean.

6.You have a strategic plan to eat the leftovers from other people's plate.

5. Your dinner table looks like a all you can eat buffet every night.

4. You knock an 85 year old lady over trying to get the last truffle on the plate.

3.You go out to eat by yourself and tell people its date night with  Mac (and Cheese) Salisbury(Steak)

2. You make biscuit and gravy cookies.

1. Instead of praying you start singing, "Memories....like the corners of my mind...", "And IIIIIIIIIIII, will     always love yoooooooou...", "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." fatass